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#community (not the T.V. show)

14 Jan

What makes a community? A community is a group of people. To have a community you typically have a bunch of buildings. Communities have not only people, but people doing things. What kinds of things do people do? People go to church, people go to school, people have jobs, people go to restaurants, people are having arguments with each other, people are telling jokes, people are going to grocery stores. What makes one community different from another community? Communties have different levels of education, some communities have more trash lying around, some have meaner people, some have nicer people, some have areas of the city or town where people go to shop, sometimes those shopping centers have fancy cloths, sometimes it’s just a big box variety store. A community can be a town, a city, a suburb, a collection of farmers, a bunch of students, a group of cops, firefighters, or other government workers. Communities pay attention to their local sports team, a smaller group of people will say that they don’t care about those things. People usually have a consensus about general vibe of their living in that city, whether the city is a shithole or a swell place to live. Sometimes it’s just okay. Communities have people that usually speak the same language, but there are definitely communities where that isn’t the case. In Texas, where I grew up, a lot of people spoke Spanish and often you would see spanish on signs in certain parts of town. In that place where I grew up you either saw Spanish or English, but in another place I lived you saw Vietnamese, Cambodian, and Thai pretty often. I know in L.A. you’ll see Korean all over the place. A community to me means….well that’s why I started this journal I guess. I don’t really know. I went to church, yes, I went to school, yes, I had family, of course, but I just existed within those constructs, I didn’t define them. Obviously, that seems to be the point though, it’s very difficult to be a trailblazer in every moment of your life, like every moment you’re redefining genres and like, punk rock all the time. Really though, I don’t think I went far enough with any group of people or activity to really define myself by that community. I’m not really a writer, or an artist, I don’t have a skill or a trade, and jesus why is everything I write part of an existential crisis. Man up, you fucking coward, stop constantly looking inward, it’s really really really bad for you. You’re a nice guy, why do this to yourself all the time? Every panic attack you pull out of thin air due to a feeling of failure and emptiness shortens your life by a few minutes.

I make fun of my wife for being afraid of storms and constantly watching disaster videos on youtube. But fuck me for doing that, she watches that shit because she feels something by watching it, who am I to critique someone’s reaction to a natural occurance? Even if I percieve it as negative, she actually engages with the world around her. I feel like I never do that!!! Everything is a reflection of me, I see everything within the scope of my artistic or social interpretation of it. The fucking ego of that! WHO THE FUCK AM I TO ACT AS IF I SEE THINGS SO DIFFERENTLY FROM EVERYONE ELSE?

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Posted by on January 14, 2014 in depression, prose, random, writing

 

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