RSS

Category Archives: cynical

mr. iD

Whip batteries at it

Don’t like it

grab it

Attack it

Got an itch, scratch it

See a mole, whack it

Hear a joke, laugh at it

Then steal it

Take credit for it

Take it

Put it

In a vault and latch it

DON’T GIVE IT

HOARD IT

 
 

F*CK your lawn

Overgrown you say?
Flowers, though wild, do not appeal
to your pristine senses?

I say,
maybe you’re wasting time
trimming your grass
daily.

Hmm?

I say,
maybe your yard,
your stupid yard
is boring
and lacks personality.

Hmm?

And maybe,
the ecosystem, living
under the ice
in my
above ground pool
is far more humane
than the chlorine factory
you keep in your backyard.

Hmm?

And maybe,
my bushes have
too many limbs,
no symmetry to them
at all,
but yours
piss me off
with their sculpted form.
Your vanilla arrangements
ain’t got nothing
on my
Rocky Road.
Bitch.

 
Leave a comment

Posted by on January 17, 2014 in cynical, poetry, Uncategorized

 

Tags: , , , ,

#Useless Inventions Vol. 2

pillow6b

Filing this one under “Products easily replaceable by a common dish towel”, the Intimia Breast Cushion provides conflict resolution for your boobies.  Let’s be real about this, I’m not a lady so I can’t really attest to the usefulness of keeping your boobies separated when you’re sleeping,  but I know a gimmick when I see one.  Along with just the general comfort of putting a pillow between your breasts, apparently this is supposed to prevent chest wrinkles  as well.

This is all according to the Wonderful Doctor of Oz, who claims that it:

  • One Size Fits All |
  • Prevents chest wrinkles from forming in the cleavage area
  • Provides breast support and comfortable nights’ sleep for side, back or stomach sleepers
  • Reduces discomfort caused by tender breasts (PMS symptoms, nursing mothers, pregnancy, etc.)
  • Reduces or completely cures the appearance of existing chest wrinkles

All of this is fine, if the product wasn’t $59.95 on Amazon.  Listen, and I mean this, ladies have to deal with all kinds of stuff that us Y-chromosomes will never know anything about.  But don’t let people like Dr. OZ rob you blind by marketing overpriced bullshit to your demographic! I repeat, grab a dish towel and shove it down your shirt, you’ll be fine!

 

 

 
Leave a comment

Posted by on January 11, 2014 in cynical, random

 

Tags: , , ,

Useless Inventions Vol. 1

358px-Ovilus_X

The Ovilus is an awesome invention that has thousands of words programmed into it, reads electromagnetic fields (a.k.a. air), and assigns a number based on how spooky the air is.  The device then finds the word associated with this number and says it out loud.

 

The Ovilus most apparent use is in the field of paranormal investigation (obviously) and allegedly can tell you what kinds of conversations ghosts are having (???)

 

Unfortunately, people have put multiple Ovuli (yes) next to each other and have found the devices can’t seem to agree what the ghosts are saying, as they blurt out random words and phrases with no synchronicity.

 

Alas, we are no closer to proving that your dead Grandma can control electromagnetic fields from beyond the grave.  Maybe next time.

 

 
Leave a comment

Posted by on January 9, 2014 in cynical, random

 

Tags: ,

 
koukoupuffs

Video Games, Android, iOS, and life!

Girly Gabble

A women's lifestyle blog you NEED to read!

hovercraftdoggy

A curated glimpse into a world of infinite beauty and creativity.

travelingnowhere.wordpress.com/

Working Blog For Jordan Avery (Expectant Author)

Tom Witcher

My poems live here.

1,001 Haiku Postcards

Inscribed, photographed, and mailed to random people around the world

New Website @ shawnthewriter.com

New site shawnthewriter.com GO SUBSCRIBE

Words Read and Written

Ramblings of an aspiring author & book blogger

Bucket List Publications

Indulge- Travel, Adventure, & New Experiences

Daily (w)rite

A DAILY RITUAL OF WRITING

Bri Bruce Productions

Design | Publishing | Photography | Art

tutorials4view

Watch free tutorials in Full HD (1080p) quality video tutorials, sorted by subjects, like: Photoshop, Gimp, Facebook, Torrents, Windows 7, Windows 8, Windows 8.1, Viruses and malware removal ( like ask,com, vqo6, Babylon ) and more and more.. If you like our tutorials and guided, please SUBSCRIBE to out channel at: http://www.youtube.com/user/ShaiSoft - tutorials4view.

muags

Just words

Eli Glasman

Site of author Eli Glasman

KennethJustice.com

The Periphrastic Mind Of A Liberal Arts Major

valeriu dg barbu

© valeriu barbu

MW de Jesus

See, try, live, learn, write

%d bloggers like this: